I had just woken up in the hospital after a suicide attempt and my mind was racing with warring emotions and thoughts.
“How am I still here?”
“What the hell was I thinking?”
My physical well-being was the first thing to check. I was extremely fortunate after I took 100 Propranolol pills that I was back to normal after just a few hours in the hospital. No violent tremors or vision problems like I had after I first swallowed them. Just a dawning realization that I’d made a huge mistake that would have a lot of ramifications.
I promised my wife I would never try to kill myself and I had broken that vow. My daughter witnessed the immediate after-effects of the overdose and would be scarred forever by what I did. All that I could think was that I had to spend the rest of my life making it up to my family.
After two days in the hospital I was transferred to a Mental hospital for a week. I learned a lot in group therapy about coping mechanisms, but the main thing I got from it was determination. Determination to do everything I could to fight the anxiety and depression so that I would never end up hurting myself again.
My plan for recovery entailed three main parts:
- Twice weekly therapy where we would focus on building my self-esteem up and ways to cope with anxiety.
- Lots of cardio exercise, as I knew that eased my depression more than any medication did.
- Positive thinking.
Over the last 3 and a half months, I have kept up with my plan and haven’t had any suicidal thoughts. I have grown more confident and gained some control over my anxiety. The exercise has proven hard to keep up with, but I will continue to make it a priority. Positivity is something I value highly and I strive each day to stay positive through life’s many stressors. While still a work-in-progress, I am living proof that you can rebound from a suicide attempt.
In a crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text “NAMI” to 741741