I mourned for my mother. In small and strange ways, for many years, and I still do, if I am honest. What I didn’t count on was mourning for my marriage while I was still in it. Theo and I have been together twenty-three years this March and I guess I was naive when I thought we’d always have passion.
It felt so right for such a long time, until one night I went to sleep and realized he didn’t excite me anymore. I still cared about him, but I didn’t wait for him to come to bed so we could talk about our days or perhaps have sex. It no longer crossed my mind. I preferred sleep. And that’s how imperceptibly it happens. Then, you go on with the duties, the expectations, and the burdens of your everyday life. But, inside you are dying a bit more each year as you lose the one person you thought would be everything to you. The thing is I don’t even know if he’s noticed the gulf between us. We are disconnected and it feels like we’re lost. Completely gone.
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