She’d never get to the root cause of her anger, because she was angry with everything. A firehose blasting at anyone in her path. Adrianna was unforgiving even when she wished to be the exact opposite. It was a compulsion that had compounded over the years and the broken relationships. Life was a knot in the pit of her stomach and a wracking pain at the base of her skull.

She wondered if there was no hope for her, but even at her darkest she carried on, so maybe that was hope- just shrouded in all of her anger and pain. Her unfocused rage led to binge drinking and blackout sex with strangers. She never even cared when she woke up bruised and sore. She figured she deserved it. With her parents gone and an obvious inability to make friends, she spiraled inward and crumbled under the strain.

The latest incident was the fight at the bank with the teller. The police decided to let her go, but the bank closed her account. She skulked away with three hundred and twelve dollars. It was finally dawning on her that things had to change. She had to learn how to control her temper at the very least, but she knew it was much deeper than that. She would have to be honest about the past and events she had tried to pretend had never happened. But who could she even talk to about it? No job and no savings don’t add up to much. She was sick of never feeling like a person worth knowing. Like someone who mattered.

© 2021 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.

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