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essay non-fiction

Not That You Asked

We doggedly chase happiness. People say that is what life is about. Happiness is not a state of existence or a way of being. Life is about overcoming disappointments. Coping with trauma and tragedy. At best, you get fleeting joy randomly sprinkled in amongst the tedium of work and the parade of banalities. Little breaks where you might have a laugh or feel the release of an orgasm and, thankfully, forget the world you have to live in.

I’ve been called a cynic or “too negative” and perhaps there’s some truth in those labels. Dealing with suffocating depression for years does wear you out, but even when I feel a bit more upbeat I know deep down that life is merciless and some people just deal with that by pretending that reality is better than it is. Or maybe they truly believe that the world is a wonderful place. Either way, that is not me. I wish I could put on special glasses or take a pill that would hoodwink me into that mode, but I don’t think that Silicon Valley or Big Pharma are anywhere close to that.

How do I go on? I wake up and try to occupy myself with work. I no longer expect anything good to happen. I just go on with life like I am punching in and out of a thankless job until the day comes when I’ve made the last punch.

© 2022 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.

By jebrownwriter

Houston, TX-based Writer and Photographer. Proud pet rescuer who spends nearly all his money on them.

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