Ointments, lotions and creams. Not in a good way, as some kind of foreplay, but for ailments and pain, recently diagnosed and life-changing at that. There were pills, of course, and painful tests, followed by follow-ups and re-checks. Ad infinitum.
When you’re young, a variety of things signal being old in your mind. Some are vague and others sharp and clear. Medical woes existed as a collective: vague, but certain. And now that they are here, it’s not quite what you expected and that is probably a good thing. If you’d known that the toxic fog of frustration, pain and uncertainty would hang over you along with the diagnosis itself, your anxiety would have skyrocketed in advance. Little favors, I suppose.
With this new reality comes the knowledge that life will have new limitations. At some point, very drastic ones. So now you fight the demons of depression and anxiety and the physical barriers. As you lay in bed, the same feelings wash over you as when you battled your thoughts and feelings: my body and my mind are my enemies.
© 2022 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.
Writing and Photography by Jeff E. Brown 