non-fiction
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The Walls Are Deaf, But They Know What You’re Thinking
The one thing you have in abundance in a mental hospital is time. Time to think. An omnipresent clock in the common room to remind you of all of the time left until the next group activity for you to sit and think. Always time to think, which isn’t good for nearly every single beaten…
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Non-Binary Experience
I said I did not like the beach. But who can deny the beauty and quiet ferocity lying underneath the water? It humbles you and drags you out of the electronic jail you reside in. This view and these sounds cannot be experienced in ones and zeroes. You need your senses and a desire to…
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A New Outfit, but the Same Enemy As Before
Ointments, lotions and creams. Not in a good way, as some kind of foreplay, but for ailments and pain, recently diagnosed and life-changing at that. There were pills, of course, and painful tests, followed by follow-ups and re-checks. Ad infinitum. When you’re young, a variety of things signal being old in your mind. Some are…
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Inpatient
You can’t get out. You signed yourself in and you signed away your rights. An argument can be made in hindsight that a suicidal person probably shouldn’t be signing anything, but the goal was to get therapeutic assistance, so it loses importance in comparison to the urgent reason you are there. They took your belt…
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The Last Post?
I thought writing helped me somehow. A creative outlet for the dread and angst in my head. But the truth is, nothing helps and nothing will change the fact that I don’t want to be alive. So, I don’t believe, in the throes of this, I can keep on posting. I feel no joy or…
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Not That You Asked
We doggedly chase happiness. People say that is what life is about. Happiness is not a state of existence or a way of being. Life is about overcoming disappointments. Coping with trauma and tragedy. At best, you get fleeting joy randomly sprinkled in amongst the tedium of work and the parade of banalities. Little breaks…
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Beauty
Most of society would agree that all beauty lies with the young, or perhaps, in nature or art. It’s a narrow view that has evidence to support it, but I’d say beauty can exist in anyone or anything simply because it is all dependent on perspective. So often our perspective is filtered only through the…
Writing and Photography by Jeff E. Brown 