Categories
anxiety depression Fiction photo photography Prose

The Dirty Work

You can throw all of the pills down the drain. It makes for a moment of defiance, of clarity. But does it change the underlying cause? Do you have a plan beyond turning on the disposal and feeling a bit better about yourself?



Because now the hardest part comes in: talking about the dread and the shame. Dredging up all of the unwelcome and lingering thoughts pinging around your head all of the time. Fighting the feelings that threaten to torpedo your psyche.


© 2023 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.

Categories
anxiety Fiction photo photography Prose

What the Night Takes

As night descends, I wonder what it will take me from this time. Dreams unfold into lucid nightmares where I’m rebuked for my crimes, both real and imagined. I am so drained, but I retain my anxious core as I push back sleep. Of course, I will lose. The question is: how much?


© 2022 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.

Categories
Fiction photo photography portrait Prose

Crackling

There is a crackling sound, over there, don’t you hear it? The cars scream by, but it’s still there. A consistent noise I can no longer run away from, then it fades out to silence with the dusk.

I have to know what it is. Why it follows me all day long


© 2022 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.

Categories
Fiction photo photography Prose

A Different You

There’s a warring dichotomy in my head. My mind is so conflicted from moment to moment, I can’t be sure if I need meds or if this is just how I’ll always be. Do others feel like they don’t know themselves? Feel like they can’t trust themselves?


© 2022 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.

Categories
photo photography Poetry portrait

Clamor

The clamoring in your head
Goes away as you walk
Further and further from the source.
Soon you can rest, released from the dread.


© 2022 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.

Categories
photo photography Prose

More Than Blue

Grandmother called it the blues
Because she didn’t want to give
It any more weight.
She thought she could contain it.
But it rolls down the generations,
Gathering dark energy all the while.
It got you at the umbilical, child, and
Now you’ve grown and it’s got you whole.
Every day a version downgrade from
The last. The last.


© 2022 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.

Categories
Poetry

Long Way Back

Inside the endless night
I’m prisoner to the poisonous ways
Depression has to take root
And blackout your days.

Insidious and random,
The victims are too many to count.
Discovering at some dreadful point
This disorder, this jail, won’t let you out.

Giving in to the immense black hollow
Is easy and sometimes we do.
I’ll try to come back,
To be the person I once knew.

It’s such an long fight
When it’s burrowed so deep.
Your mind, the your soul.
What else can you keep?

I will feel worthless and I’ll stumble
And fall down the long flight of steps
That lead the way back
To the light that signals success.

I hope when I get there,
Because I have to believe that I will,
That you’ll be waiting,
In love with me still.

© 2022 Jeff E. Brown. All rights reserved.