depression
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The Walls Are Deaf, But They Know What You’re Thinking
The one thing you have in abundance in a mental hospital is time. Time to think. An omnipresent clock in the common room to remind you of all of the time left until the next group activity for you to sit and think. Always time to think, which isn’t good for nearly every single beaten…
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The Dirty Work
You can throw all of the pills down the drain. It makes for a moment of defiance, of clarity. But does it change the underlying cause? Do you have a plan beyond turning on the disposal and feeling a bit better about yourself? Because now the hardest part comes in: talking about the dread and…
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More Than Blue
Grandmother called it the bluesBecause she didn’t want to giveIt any more weight.She thought she could contain it.But it rolls down the generations,Gathering dark energy all the while.It got you at the umbilical, child, andNow you’ve grown and it’s got you whole.Every day a version downgrade fromThe last. The last. © 2022 Jeff E. Brown.…
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Long Way Back
Inside the endless nightI’m prisoner to the poisonous waysDepression has to take rootAnd blackout your days. Insidious and random,The victims are too many to count.Discovering at some dreadful pointThis disorder, this jail, won’t let you out. Giving in to the immense black hollowIs easy and sometimes we do.I’ll try to come back,To be the person…
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Tidal
Must you admit the jet-black thoughtsAnd the dreadful anxiety to anyone?Does it make anything better? You don’t need to confess.You own your toxic mélangeAnd if you bottle it up,You think you get to choose to uncork it. I know only this: It will come out.Seeping through the fissuresOr exploding like a suppressed volcano.Tell loved ones…
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A New Outfit, but the Same Enemy As Before
Ointments, lotions and creams. Not in a good way, as some kind of foreplay, but for ailments and pain, recently diagnosed and life-changing at that. There were pills, of course, and painful tests, followed by follow-ups and re-checks. Ad infinitum. When you’re young, a variety of things signal being old in your mind. Some are…
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Misfire
I was recently diagnosed with Small Fiber Neuropathy. Small fiber neuropathy occurs when the small fibers of the peripheral nervous system are damaged. Small fibers in the skin relay sensory information about pain and temperature. What this means for me is that my feet experience a very odd sensory combination of tingling, burning, numbness and…
Writing and Photography by Jeff E. Brown 